Expressive Doesn't Mean You Love Better

So, basically in my current relationship, I always am the more expressive side. Well, I write about him in my "love book",  hopeless romantic, Lol. I tell all my friends about him, I post his photos and what not. And somehow I feel like I'm being too much because he in the other hand never post anything about me on his social media. But, he actually introduce me to his best friends, friends and acquaintances in real life. I guess that's much better. So, because of our differences, sometimes I have a thought like "is he really loves me as much as I do or  can he really reciprocate my overflowing amount of love" because obviously I won't settle for less. I mean who should? 

But, in reality, that's actually how we both differ from each other. We may have the same amount of love, but we express or portray it in a very different way. I remember back then, he told me that he is a practical guy, who walks his talk. I wasn't really understand what did he mean back then because not much things can be proven when you just started a relationship with someone right? But, as time goes by, all his words make more sense. And yeah, he is true about that. 

He really is a very responsible guy, calculative, in a good way. Like he gonna plan everything nicely before jump into those stuffs. Unlike me who have more of an experimental attitude. The thought of him making plans for his future which includes me in it is very sweet. I think that's the purest thing a guy can do to a girl that he wants to commit. And another attitude that I love is how sensitive he is towards my feeling. I feel like if someone really cares about you, they will try their best to make you happy and comfortable around them, never take your feeling for granted and pay attention on what stuffs do make you happy and what is it that you don't like. 

We girls might need some reassurance once in awhile, and get really anxious if guy doesn't really show his feeling. But trust me, if you want to have future with them, you really need to learn to understand them. Because everyone love in a different way and as love is a two players kind of game, so you must learn to give and take as well. And if thing doesn't go in your way, try to think positive about it. Try to look things in another persona's side, be considerate. There's shouldn't be any competition between you and your partner but work as a team.

And another attractive attitude is consistency.  He should be consistent with his presence, not just an amazing 2,3 days talking and ghosting. Build the dynamics from days to days and only then comes a stable long term relationship. And he should always keep his promises, or at least be the same person he was when he first try to hit you and the person he is now. I mean, it's common to have arguments, small misunderstanding and what not, but you just know it if he really serious, he will fix it, together with you. And trust me, all those arguments and shit will actually make the relationship better as long as you wanna learn from it.

And I think I understand quite enough about love, that I have thought of giving him freedom of finding his happiness even if it doesn't includes me. Even if it gonna cost our relationship, I'll still let him chase it because what is the point of being together if one side is actually suffer from it. 

Hilangnya Kekasih Pertama Aku, Abah

Hello everyone, it's crazy how many things change within a year. 2018, definitely the most interesting yet tough year of mine. Tahun ni I met my soulmate, and tahun ni juga I lost my dad. 23rd October 2018, arwah abah pergi, setelah beberapa bulan suffer kanser usus. Terkilan sebab Fara duduk jauh dari keluarga, so nak balik memang susah. Tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah mudahkan urusan arwah pergi, time arwah tengah tidur. Syukur sebab sakit dia kat dunia ni dah berakhir. Walaupun Fara masih tak dapat terima pemergian arwah, tapi Fara cuba redha jugak terima ketentuan ni.

Wallahi, bila kehilangan ibu bapa sendiri ni, Fara rasa macam sakit2 lain, patah hati, sakit putus cinta apa semua tu sangat lah overrated. Hanya orang yang pernah alami nya saja yang tau macam mana rasa emptiness yang takkan dapat diisi oleh sesiapa yang lain. Kalau putus cinta, bila2 masa boleh cari pengganti, walaupun pada awalnya of course la sakit. And bila berpisah dalam cinta ni, orang kata adalah satu bentuk protection dari tuhan, supaya kita tak terus sakit dan sengsara dengan keep on holding pada orang yang menghargai kita. Berlainan pula bila berpisah nyawa, especially ibu bapa. 

Tapi, sesungguhnya, segala jua ujian Allah ni memang diberi pada orang yang mampu menghadapi nya. Dia uji kerana Dia sayang, Dia uji kerana dia mahu memberi jalan yang lain kepada kita. I cuba untuk pandang semua ni pada sudut positif, walaupun like I said, it's really tough. I ada lagi 3 bulan sebelum grad and back to Malaysia for good. Sumpah, sakit sangat, rasa terganggu untuk fokus, rasa down, rasa macam bila2 je boleh jatuh kepada kemurungan. Tapi I cuba untuk tak bagi negative thoughts menguasai. 

Sekarang, memang Fara focus pada orang2 yang betul2 menyayangi Fara. Fara cuba untuk luangkan masa sebanyak mungkin bersama mereka. Adik beradik, ibu, anak buah dan of course boyfriend tersayang. Diorang je lah sumber kekuatan Fara sekarang. Dan diorang sangat supportive. Doakan fara terus kuat untuk semua ujian dan dapat buat yang terbaik untuk exam nanti, boleh grad dan boleh jadi doctor yang berguna. :)