Saturday, 30 March 2019

Please Return My Key

So, what's next?
What am I waiting for,
Who am I waiting for,
Is happiness out there?
Can I feel it again,
Can I feel it when my heart caged still,
Is happiness for me?
Is it happiness that absent,
Or I am the one who unable,
To feel it,
I was too hardheaded,
I believe happiness is just what I define happiness,
I don't want nothing else,
I want you,
I don't want somebody else,
I close my eyes, I see you,
Your charming smile,
Your special body scent,
Why can't I get rid of those imaginations,
Yesterday I listened to my favorite song,
I hear you,
She sings about you,
What so special about you,
You exist in my dreams,
Can you return the key?
Of my heart,
I wanna be happy again,
Please.

Friday, 22 March 2019

She could be one of them

It was a fun and wild ride,
he was everything I ever prayed for a guy. And I was everything to him.
I was the god's gift to him.
At least that's what he told me and convinced me to believe.

I was happy, but he was hot and cold.
I was blindfolded by love.
I thought pain is a part of love,
I tried to convince myself.
I was too forgiving.
I saw what he did, but I stayed in denial. "Ahh. He loves me. Nothing to worry about".

Days after days,
I became an option.
While my feelings develop deeper and deeper.
But I was just an option.
How can't I realize it.
He told them he can't commit.
He told them I could be one of his choices.
Wow. Am I dreaming.
I can't unhear that.
It became a huge scar on my heart right now.

I hope there's karma for you.
I hope you will fall in love with people who doesn't love you,
Who doesn't know how to please you,
Who feel disgusted by you,
Who hate your smell,
Who doesn't laugh at your stupid jokes,
Coward, why don't you say it out loud about this.
Why did you tell them instead of me.
You are coward.
I hate you with all my heart.

Thursday, 21 March 2019

A Blessing In Tears



The disappointment, 
A pain in disguise,
A blessing in tears,
He took away my happiness,
I was indeed hurting,
Without I realizing,
Happiness are felt when I put my mind into it,
Happiness is optional,
Happiness is just a state of mind,
I believe all the pains are meant for my growth,
And if I don't learn from it,
Then I'm not a human enough
for not carry my responsibility,
I'll keep running,
Looking for my eternal peace,
I know it is somewhere,
In a place that I yet not discover,
How much pain is the worst,
How much is too much, 
How many blessings that I forgot to count,
Am I broken enough to complain,
Is whining a sin?
If I whine who gonna listen,
If He listens does my path change?
If my path changed am I become happier?
If I'm happier won't I complaint?
If I never complaint anymore do my life complete?
Still looking, I don't know the answer,
Life is mystery,
Pain in disguise.


Sunday, 27 January 2019

It's not easy

I swear it is not easy,
I cry every night,
Sleep and wishing all the thoughts vanish from my mind,
But when I wake up, my pillow is still wet,
I don't wanna fall for this trap forever,
I don't wanna be sucked into this hole forever,
Little mistakes break my heart so bad,
Little jokes tickle my laugh so bad.

Wednesday, 2 January 2019

Sabar, your time will come



Hi, Assalamualaikum. Happy new year to everyone. Semoga dimurahkan rezeki dan dikurniakan kebahagiaan di tahun baru dan seterusnya. Honestly, seusia Fara yang pertengahan 20 an ni, Fara selalu mencari2 apa pengertian kehidupan Fara, orang putih kata quarter life crisis. Selalu tertanya, apa tujuan Fara, kenapa takdir hidup Fara berliku2, kenapa tak dilahirkan dalam jasad orang lain dan macam2 lagi soalan dalam kepala Fara. 

Beberapa hari lepas Fara ada dengar satu ceramah di youtube, dari Ustaz Hanan Attaki. Dia ada sebut satu kata2 dari Saidina Umar, katanya, dalam medan peperangan, kemenangan itu bukan bergantung pada pihak mana yang paling kuat, tapi pada pihak mana yang paling sabar menghadapi ujian, sabar untuk bertahan semua kesakitan. Which is really makes sense. Kalau kita tak sabar letih, sakit dan kepenatan berperang, mesti kita akan give up separuh jalan. So boleh dipraktikkan dalam semua aspek hidup kita, tak kira la kerjaya, cinta, hidup, persahabatan dan sebagainya. 

Kita sebagai hamba ni kadang2 mesti akan ada waktu mengeluh, kenapa selalu sangat ditimpa musibah, diberi ujian yang kadang2 kita sampai tak mampu nak tanggung. Kenapa Allah patahkan hati kita, tak bagi kita dapat apa yang kita nak. Kadang2 kita nak sangat2 kat sesuatu tu, tapi tanpa izin Allah memang tak dapat. So, kita sedih, merungut, kecewa. Tapi ajaibnya Allah gantikan dengan yang beratus ganda lebih baik, dan paling penting Allah ganti pada waktu yang paling tepat! So kunci nya kesabaran je sebenarnya.

Bukan lah bidang Fara nak cakap pasal agama, just sharing my belief and experiences. Paling penting kita kena redha dan sentiasa percaya dengan perancangan Allah. Dia lebih mengetahui apa yang kita inginkan dan perlukan. Fara rasa paling terharu bila Allah menjawab doa2 yang Fara tak pernah luahkan. Kalau ada angan2 or sesuatu yang kita nak, tapi kita tak pernah cakap kat sapa2 pastu tiba2 Allah bagi benda tu kat kita. Time tu memang rasa sangat Allah tu terlalu dekat dengan kita, ada dalam diri kita. So, apa2 pun halangan dalam hidup, jangan putus asa. Your time will come.